Death of the ego. Seriously death of the ego – I have been sick for the past 3 days for the first time in fucking years. However, I am manifesting real healing energy for myself to flow wherever it needs to go and to trust the energy process. I’m trusting my place in the process – suspend judgement and allow self-forgiveness.

Daily alchemy of actual real magic. Honesty is magic. Why do I avoid releasing shit that I know does not serve me anymore? Why do I wait for the universe to do it for me in the most painful fucking way possible? Life has pain; however, staying in suffering is a choice. For me, it has primarily been about avoiding releasing and holding on for far to long – even after it no longer serves me or my future. For example, I have been divorced – officially – not just when he left the home – for over a fucking year. And yet, I have held on to my gods damned engagement ring. (PS. I hope my beautiful guardian angel does not find the cussing too offensive – I am in a beautiful magical mood today). Perhaps held on for emotional cutting for the future? Perhaps more with the fucking worthiness myth/story. Yesterday – I sent it off into the universe – also known as the Worthy company for appraisal and auction. I’ve also been talking about selling my Honda CR-V for the past months since I received official orders to DC. I spent more time anxiously researching what care I felt I was worth buying (aka – what I could “afford” and what was “practical” at the time); than I did today getting it appraised. Then, deciding yep I’m going to sell this. I decided I’m not a “Honda” person anymore. This is just another fucking story about my identity. The best I can tell right now – I have no fucking clue who I am – which means – I can be whoever the fuck I want – I am the author of the new story. I decided I’m a luxury car person – currently in the process of manifesting a Mercedes rental until after July 4th. It is all just a fucking story. I’m releasing it all. I’m not the want to be mother of a new baby I was when I bought the Honda – jealous as fuck of everyone around me who had “happy” relationships with their spouses and were off “getting pregnant” and “leaving me behind.” I WAS also a bitchy judgmental friend – now I’m in judgement detox and recovery. I’m so closely watching my words and the vibes I put out in the universe. Living at a higher vibration energy is truly magical – and – would not be possible without release of the negative energy items that no longer serve. I forgive the girl from the past who did not believe she deserved more than an outlet engagement ring or a Honda CR-V. It was an internal fight to believe I was “good enough” for a new car. And there is nothing wrong with outlet engagement rings – no judgment from me at all – it was about the process – I settled for the man – just because I wanted to get married and to believe so hard that someone loved me unconditionally – even when all the red flags said otherwise. There is no blame on the Jordan for any of this – this is all within me – all within the past story of myself and my worthiness. I fucking release the bull shit worthiness/unworthiness story. I choose again. Oh now off to sell my Honda (bye baby girl – thank you thank you – you served me well when I needed you the most – you let me know I could be worth more and helped me get my fucking financial life in order). AND then get my fancy fucking car rental 🙂